Josh was dumfounded. He was stuck in a movie wishing he could be in the audience watching the main character take a hammering. There was no place to run. It was one of those few dreaded moments in life when a person wishes he or she could be in someone else’s skin, in another place, doing some other thing; or just change the channel with a “click” and it all goes away. But no, there he was, being humiliated, glued in the moment looking at the woman that only a few moments earlier he thought was the beginning of something wonderful. There was a deep ache in his chest. He fought back the tears. No way was he going to give any satisfaction to Lisa and the “Guess who showed up” arrogant little twit, Karl, with the smug look on his face sitting a few feet away. He had to be cool and find something nonchalant and clever to say in the middle of a world of agony.
So there they were standing in the doorway of a late night kosher eatery. Lisa and Karl had already made plans to be together in the middle of Lisa’s date with Josh who had suddenly become the third wheel. Karl looked at Josh and said curtly, “She’s with me now.” and he walked out to sit at one of the tables in the outdoor section. Josh felt a wave of seething rage; took a deep breath and allowed the steam to dissipate. The anger was gone for the moment.
“You know, Lisa that’s why I asked you several times if there is anything going on between you and Karl,” Josh said in a quiet stoic voice.
“There is nothing going on!” Lisa retorted with a whimper. “We’re just good friends.”
“You’re ‘just good friends’, but you are dumping me in the middle of a date and going home with Karl because that’s the way he wants it. Do really think I have no clue as to what’s going on here? You used me for these last two weeks to make him jealous. Everything you said, every look and every gesture was a lie.”
“No, that’s not true! I really like you. It’s just that I’m confused right now, Josh.”
“Well that’s easy enough to fix.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’ll just remove myself from this triangle thing and it will be just you and Karl; no more confusion. I’m going home now.” He went out of the door and Lisa followed and stood a few feet from where Karl was sitting.
Lisa turned to Karl and said, “You know Josh plays the piano very well.” Karl nodded while fighting the urge to roll his eyes.
Josh turned around. “Thanks for the compliment,” he replied, trying to sound unaffected by the shocking turn of events.
“Did you enjoy my music?” Lisa asked him brazenly.
Josh knew that she was patronizing him, but he dismantled his anger again and spoke passionately. It was the only way he could walk away from this with his battered dignity still in one piece. He wanted so much to tell her the truth that Karl used to brag about how this beautiful woman is in love with him and he doesn’t love her back. But, he quickly dismissed and discarded that thought, knowing that it wouldn’t do any good. Karl would just deny it and Lisa would refuse to believe it. The two would go on with their games with Karl feeding his ego and Lisa desperately wanting to attach herself to his wealth, while Josh and the truth would fade from their egocentric memories. Instead Josh just answered Lisa’s question with, “Yes, you definitely are a mistress of the keyboard, but it was a bit mechanical.”
“Mechanical?”
“Yes, your playing lacks feeling. You seemed like you were just doing a job. It’s nice to hear standards, but it doesn’t evoke a whole lot of emotions. You’re in a spiritual coma. Wake up your soul and communicate! Do that and people will pay big money to hear you play and you won’t have sit in that mediocre restaurant playing for tips in a glass.” Josh then turned and walked out of Lisa’s life forever.
Josh drove home amid waves of searing pain, fighting to make sense of what had just happened, disbelieving that people could do this to him; wondering how anyone could be so narcissistic as to be devoid of any compassion for another person. The image of Karl’s smugness was especially painful as the two men had shared personal stories and broke bread at the same table. Then suddenly the words “Double Negative” shot through his brain like a laser beam. This whole thing was a test because everything comes from G-d and whenever there is a difficult moment it’s a test.
There was a double negative working here; the pain and humiliation of Lisa’s escapade along with Karl’s triumphant arrogance was assaulting Josh’s negative side, being the spiritual element of fire with the propensity for getting angry and lashing out. To be sure there was a lot of damage and Josh had a difficult road ahead to get over this triangular romantic debacle. However, when one applies the external negative of other people causing mortification and pain against the internal negatives of revenge-seeking passion in a bone-crushing manner, the two like dark forces cancel each other out and what emerges is forgiveness on the side of G-dly light.